Honesty

      With time comes experience and insight. As we develop and involve into the person we are, things that were once taken for granted become interests of the utmost importance. Like most of us do, I believe, there are moments when we sit back and reflect on the past and make comparisons to what is occurring in our lives present day. In my most recent span of reflection, I have considered and compared a few pertinent events, differentiating between what a past response would be in contrast to what my current response would be. The one thing that remains constant in each scenario is honesty.

     Honesty is a much needed asset within itself, however when we find ourselves in situations that are volatile, we become complacent and disregard or take this trait for granted. I found this to be something that I lost value in over a period of time. This loss came from the interactions that surrounded me which led me to generally believe that everyone is dishonest to some extent. The people closest to me were always telling half truths or flat out lying. My trust level was at the lowest point it had ever been. Complacency developed and honesty became an afterthought. One day I read somewhere "the truth hurts but never kills, a lie soothes but never heals."

     I must have read that one sentence three or four times. It was true! That had always been my philosophy so to speak and it was something that I often told others. "I'd rather hear the truth than a lie, because I can make my own decision about the situation." When someone is dishonest, they deprived the other individual of the right to make an informed decision. In almost all instances, being honest returns more favorable outcomes. One can move past a situation at a more steady pace, rather than having to deal with other feelings that develop based on an instance of dishonesty. An out pour of other emotions become involved once an untruth has been discovered.

              Close personal relationships must have this quality as a foundation.
 
     Our children and our mates are the closest people in our lives and will always play a key factor in the decisions we make in our lives. Having a healthy relationship will develop and continuously grow if honesty is at the foundation.  In regards to children, with the issues that they are constantly facing in society, it is imperative that we are able to establish a connection with them where they know and are assured that they can be honest with us as parents no matter what the situation or outcome may be. For some of us, building this type of relationship is or has been more difficult than for others. Personally, I faced this challenge with my own child. This lack of honesty or trust has proven to be detrimental to our relationship. His lack of honesty led to my distrust in him and my distrust in him caused him to hold back even when he was telling the truth. The sad part about the whole situation with us, is that it was hard to believe anything he said. A downward spiral began at home and at school. The spiral continued to spiral out of control, which has led him to a be in a somewhat unsavory predicament with an unknown end result. Had we had a solid relationship that has a concrete foundation of honesty and trust, we may not be faced with this situation, but in time things will get better. Our path to establishing this foundation has began.

      In contrast, when I think back to what actually led to this somewhat calamity, it was not only the distrust and honesty issues that I had with my child, it had actually trickled over from my experiences in my intimate relationships. For over a decade I dealt with men who were dishonest, disrespectful, and lacked many values. Because of this, honesty became a second thought, causing me to lose the value in it. I was accustomed to dishonesty in relationships. In my final volatile relationship, dishonesty became the bases of our foundation. Can you imagine living in a household where both of the supposed closest people  to you can not be trusted? That is the most horrible and disheartening feeling in the world. Words can barely express it. Living in an atmosphere that consists of such dishonesty and lack of trust created a dark place for me.

     Fortunately, I reached a point where I was ready to raise my head high above the darkness. I needed a window with the slightest ounce of light to motivate me to lift myself out of the rut I had found myself to be in. When I came to that point, I realized that I wasn't being honest with myself. I had lied to myself to believe that the dishonesty in my relationship was acceptable, I had fallen into the trap of complacency due to my fear of change. My fear of change and my fear to start over. How could I overcome this? Self evaluation and support were the tools that I needed in order to tackle this discrepancy within myself. With an initial step of identifying what things were most important to me in a relationship and what things I was settling for, I sought counseling. Counseling proved to be an awesome and enlightening experience. Having an unbiased individual listen and talk through the issues with me, gave me the strength to explore more aspects of my life. I realized that not only did I need the benefit of counseling, my son needed to have the same opportunity availed to him. 

     Indeed this was something he needed, but he could have benefited more so, had he been offered this resource earlier. It however is never too late to seek and obtain help. We both have gained more insight on the importance of honesty and trust. As it pertains to me, I learned that it is never acceptable to lower your standards to accommodate someone else, especially so when the person on the recieving end does not reciprocate. Overcoming my fear enabled me to rid myself of the unsavory "company" that surrounded me. My intimate relationship was a hinderance for me and had changed the person I had become. My partner was not willling to change or seek help to resolve our issues. Thus the increased need to remove that person from my life and work on myself. Which is exactly what I did! I distinguished which things meant the most to me in a relationship as well as which aspects would help build me up rather than bring me down. At the end of the day, HONESTY proved to be one of, if not the most important characteristic that I had taken for granted. Now it is a requirement in all aspects of my life. Without honest, there is no trust, without either you will become broken! Being honest and having others, especially in close personal relationships, is crucial. My own honesty with myself and others is what helps build me up and helps me establish more meaningful relationships.
Honesty builds strong and concrete foundations!
That's PhatPhat in Progess for today... constantly and consistently transforming into a better me!
~PhatPhat~