For the most part I watch little television. The bit that I do watch, are shows that I record on my DVR and watch at a later time. My interests in regards to television are crime shows, court shows, and a few reality shows. This past weekend however, I took some time to relax and just scan through the channels as well as the programs I had previously recorded. If you follow me on Twitter or Facebook you may have read one of my statuses over the weekend that indicated that how much insight can be gained from the experiences of others. Additionally, a few weeks or so back, I posted about the importance of positive male role models. I can never emphasis that enough. As I was watching my recording of "Iyanla: Fix My Life"- DMX, I can not help but reiterate this even more so. While he may not be the "poster child" for what can happen when there are a lack of positive male role models, it has to be pretty close, just maybe a more severe case.
A few things stuck out in my mind as I watched and listened intently. (1) Everybody has to feel that they are somebody's baby. (2) He never knew of any of his friends that had a father. Of course there were several other statements that caught my attention, but those readily made me think. How can a man really be a father if there has been no model provided for them to follow? And just how important is it to always feel that you are someone's baby? Several people came to mind as I watched the interview because expressions of feelings such as those along with other factors do play a very important role in how we all are shaped and the roads that we choose to follow as we transition into adulthood. From his perspective, the act of his mother sending him to a group home or placement facility at the early and tender age of 7 made him feel abandoned and unwanted. I definitely could see how he would come up with this idea as I was myself taken aback when I heard his mother actually comfirm that she did in fact do so. Who does that? At 7 years old, what could a child possibly be doing so bad that you have lost control as a parent and send them away? In no way am I attacking her for such action, however, it just doesn't seem realistic to me. It appears to me that this would be the choice or decision of an individual who doesn't want to be bothered or is preoccupied with other things to take the right approach. While I do not have all the details, I never heard any references to other preventive measures prior to making such a decision.
One can only imagine what a 7 year old could possibly be feeling when put in this position. Neither parent in your life and not because of a tragedy, but because the parent that is there feels that they can't deal with the behavior problems. A child sent to an unknown environment to be raised by strangers. This is very problematic and I can only assume that this occurrence in his life is what started his downward spiral that would later be manifested later in life. Fortunately for him, he did find that one person who treated him and cared for him as their own "baby" and provided that unconditional love that a parent displays, in his grandmother.
When I watch or listen to others experiences I often am able to relate them to some aspect of my own life or that of others who are or who have been close enough to me for me have some concern. I thought of my own child and his father. Male friends who didn't or don't have fathers. Friends who had fathers that were not positive role models. Of course positive male role models or the lack thereof doesn't detemine ones path in life in its entirey, but it does play a significant part. For some it will make them strive harder to be more than what they feel their father's were to them. But for others they find themselves stuck in world of confusion and no other way to address these feelings other than to transfer that negativity to those around them.
That is definitely what happened in this case. Not only did the lack of DMX having a male role model effect him, but entering a relationship with his now estranged wife, who also was having issues with her father and his drug addiction that altered their relationship. Negativity draws negativity.From what I gathered from listening to both of them during the interview. They found in each other what they so desperately sought from their loved ones and that is LOVE. We all search for love so it is not uncommon to want to have that connection with someone, however it can indeed prove toxic when we seek it to replace what we are missing. I can relate... 100%.
In turn these behaviors lead to co-dependency. One can become co-dependent on substances or on another individual. When this occurs and help is not sought, it leads to other high risk behaviors as indicated by this interview with DMX and other individuals as well who share the same or similar stories.I would suggest this in my own journey to recovery so to speak. Recovery from a lack of self love. Recovery from a low self esteem. Recovery from a toxic thinking process and frame of mine. "Toxic" is one word that was used quite frequently to describe DMX's situation. In actuality we all have had our moments where we were in a space that was not so pleasant. However as individuals we handle things differently. Some are better able to handle adversity than others. What is important is that there are support systems in place and available for individuals who are not able to tackle these issues alone. In that sense of the matter, I would relate a support system to that of DMX's view of everyone needing to be someone's baby. No matter who we are, how strong we are, we have to be assured that we have some form of support whether it be from one particular individual or a thousand. A feeling of belonging. It starts within however.
So the lack of positive male role models is very problematic, however, it is not the end of everything. We still have to move forward. Our young males, young females, and adults as well can gain much success and healthier existence when they are provided with a positive support system. Never discourage yourself or anyone from seeking out help. Position yourself to be a support to someone in any way possible. This can be done in several ways, providing a listening ear, offering information regarding assistance services such as counseling and most of all by providing encouragement. We can all help each other in some form or fashion. Stay encouraged and uplifted!
~PhatPhat~
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