Monday, December 31, 2012
PhatPhat Memoirs:Progression: Reflections 2012...Moving Forward
PhatPhat Memoirs:Progression: Reflections 2012...Moving Forward: Greetings! It seems like forever since my last post, however things have been all over the place for me this past month, with having the flu...
Reflections 2012...Moving Forward
Greetings! It seems like forever since my last post, however things have been all over the place for me this past month, with having the flu being the last ailment of the year for me. Gradually I am regaining my momentum, but boy did this flu virus knock me off my feet. I would say that today I am at about 75% back to my normal self. That's good enough for me considering how I have been feeling for the last few days. Anywho, enough about that...
I rarely, if ever make New Year's Resolutions and this upcoming year is no exception. It has always been my belief that the things you really intend to do usually happen if you don't particularly plan them. In saying that I mean, I have a few things that I plan to change, improve or even accomplish in the New Year, however, I will be more successful at attaining those goals if I just make a mental note of it and begin working towards it. If you have been following me or have read any of my material, you know that one of my mottos is "Sometimes you have to revisit your past to determine your future." This is how I establish my reality, set my goals, and determine the order of importance of things in my life. Revisiting 2012 is no different. In the year I experienced a mixture of highs and critical lows, however I survived and took a lesson from each event. From new beginnings, losses, and wake up calls, I have put many things in perspective. Realizing the value of sharing my experiences to inspire or encourage others was one of the priceless rewards I received this year. Not only did my experiences help others, but they helped me develop myself more as well. Throughout this journey, I have encountered many people that I otherwise would not have. Building positive relationships that will last a lifetime is instrumental in positive self development.
Another gain from 2012 was developing closer familial relationships as well as learning to distinguish which relationships are worth saving and those that are better off leaving in the past. At times we desire to salvage relationships whether personal or with family and go to extreme lengths to do so. In the end though, you have to understand that you can love individuals from a distance. Personally I struggled with this in a few relationships, but as time continued to pass, my experiences revealed that you win some, you lose some, and many are not even worth fighting for. You simply can not change other people or their opinions. Moving forward...
Gaining insight throughout this year enabled me to understand issues regarding my son as well as determine what resources are vital to him achieving his own successes. In doing so, this relationship was strengthened as well and continuous work and efforts have been employed.
Of all the lessons learned this year... Love, love of self, love of others and simply put, the REAL MEANING OF LOVE. Distinguishing between love and lust, love and like, and love and hate was a trip; but a trip worth taking. I say this because throughout this year, throughout my journey, I truly recognized the meaning of love of self. If you do not love yourself, you can't love anyone else. People use the term love so loosely these days, that if not careful, you will get caught up in a lot of foolishness. But if you have and acknowledge the love for yourself FIRST, you will be able to discern what is genuine and what is not, what you are willing to accept and what you are not. A clear understanding of yourself will enable you to accept others for who and what they are and move forward accordingly. With that being said I will close 2012 with a very different outlook on life in general, will leave some people and relationships in 2012 without looking back. I will continue moving forward in my purpose which is to continue to work on myself and grow while encouraging and motivating others. Positioning myself to continue to be a form of support to others in whatever capacity GOD sees fit for me is my primary focus.
Wishing all my readers, followers, and supporters a very blessed, prosperous, and purposeful NEW YEAR!
I rarely, if ever make New Year's Resolutions and this upcoming year is no exception. It has always been my belief that the things you really intend to do usually happen if you don't particularly plan them. In saying that I mean, I have a few things that I plan to change, improve or even accomplish in the New Year, however, I will be more successful at attaining those goals if I just make a mental note of it and begin working towards it. If you have been following me or have read any of my material, you know that one of my mottos is "Sometimes you have to revisit your past to determine your future." This is how I establish my reality, set my goals, and determine the order of importance of things in my life. Revisiting 2012 is no different. In the year I experienced a mixture of highs and critical lows, however I survived and took a lesson from each event. From new beginnings, losses, and wake up calls, I have put many things in perspective. Realizing the value of sharing my experiences to inspire or encourage others was one of the priceless rewards I received this year. Not only did my experiences help others, but they helped me develop myself more as well. Throughout this journey, I have encountered many people that I otherwise would not have. Building positive relationships that will last a lifetime is instrumental in positive self development.
Another gain from 2012 was developing closer familial relationships as well as learning to distinguish which relationships are worth saving and those that are better off leaving in the past. At times we desire to salvage relationships whether personal or with family and go to extreme lengths to do so. In the end though, you have to understand that you can love individuals from a distance. Personally I struggled with this in a few relationships, but as time continued to pass, my experiences revealed that you win some, you lose some, and many are not even worth fighting for. You simply can not change other people or their opinions. Moving forward...
Gaining insight throughout this year enabled me to understand issues regarding my son as well as determine what resources are vital to him achieving his own successes. In doing so, this relationship was strengthened as well and continuous work and efforts have been employed.
Of all the lessons learned this year... Love, love of self, love of others and simply put, the REAL MEANING OF LOVE. Distinguishing between love and lust, love and like, and love and hate was a trip; but a trip worth taking. I say this because throughout this year, throughout my journey, I truly recognized the meaning of love of self. If you do not love yourself, you can't love anyone else. People use the term love so loosely these days, that if not careful, you will get caught up in a lot of foolishness. But if you have and acknowledge the love for yourself FIRST, you will be able to discern what is genuine and what is not, what you are willing to accept and what you are not. A clear understanding of yourself will enable you to accept others for who and what they are and move forward accordingly. With that being said I will close 2012 with a very different outlook on life in general, will leave some people and relationships in 2012 without looking back. I will continue moving forward in my purpose which is to continue to work on myself and grow while encouraging and motivating others. Positioning myself to continue to be a form of support to others in whatever capacity GOD sees fit for me is my primary focus.
Wishing all my readers, followers, and supporters a very blessed, prosperous, and purposeful NEW YEAR!
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Never be Quick to Anger...
That's a caution that is even written in the bible. But it can often be challenging to really exercise the strength to do so. For several years now I have been trying to make a practice of doing just so. Overall, with time and commitment to change within myself, I have been able to be more conscious of containing my anger. I often make every effort to make sure not to place myself in circumstances that I know have the potential to bring out the worst in me. When those times arise when I must be in a rather "testing" position, I still do whatever I can to minimize any problems. Some people may or may not agree with how I handle things, but I have to do what works best and suits me.
Being a firm believer that no one should have control over your actions, I still live in the real world. In some instances, certain things cannot be avoided. Today happened to be one of those days for me. I was prepared... to not entertain any foolishness. I positioned myself where conflict could be avoided. I handled myself in a mature manner. Being in an already unavoidable setting, I was determined to keep my focus on that particular situation and tune out all other distractions. In my own defense, I followed my plan to a "T". I had accomplished every thing that I sought out to do today. In that last 3 minutes before I was home free, the conflict began to quickly show its head. Maintaining however, I managed to stand firm and made the effort to not allow myself to get sucked in. Three minutes left...
Minute one passed. Minute two passed. But when I arrived at minute three... I lost it. It felt good in that moment, but immediately after I was disappointed in myself that I had allowed someone to have control over my emotions and actions. This is a BIG NO-NO! After I had a short time to calm down and re-evaluate the situation, I was still relieved that I had gotten my thoughts off my chest (no matter how aggressively it may have come out). Sometimes even when we try to exercise control and be the bigger person or walk away, it ends up being to our advantage to show an individual that you mean business and will not allow anyone to trample over you. Today, this was my scenario.
What I have learned as I continue in my process of being a better me, is that sometimes, people will mistake your efforts to change as a weakness. In my experience today, it appears that this was the case. Not that this is something new or an excuse to lose control, but you have to take the opportunity when needed to make sure that there is an understanding established. Yes, I have changed. Yes, I want to be slow to anger. Yes, I want to avoid conflict. However, that doesn't mean that I will just stand back and take anything, from anyone, just because I'm continuing my process of change. I am still the same person, but I have changed my approach in how I handle things. So after careful consideration I learned for the day that one should:
Never be quick to anger, but never be slow to demand your respect!
Being a firm believer that no one should have control over your actions, I still live in the real world. In some instances, certain things cannot be avoided. Today happened to be one of those days for me. I was prepared... to not entertain any foolishness. I positioned myself where conflict could be avoided. I handled myself in a mature manner. Being in an already unavoidable setting, I was determined to keep my focus on that particular situation and tune out all other distractions. In my own defense, I followed my plan to a "T". I had accomplished every thing that I sought out to do today. In that last 3 minutes before I was home free, the conflict began to quickly show its head. Maintaining however, I managed to stand firm and made the effort to not allow myself to get sucked in. Three minutes left...
Minute one passed. Minute two passed. But when I arrived at minute three... I lost it. It felt good in that moment, but immediately after I was disappointed in myself that I had allowed someone to have control over my emotions and actions. This is a BIG NO-NO! After I had a short time to calm down and re-evaluate the situation, I was still relieved that I had gotten my thoughts off my chest (no matter how aggressively it may have come out). Sometimes even when we try to exercise control and be the bigger person or walk away, it ends up being to our advantage to show an individual that you mean business and will not allow anyone to trample over you. Today, this was my scenario.
What I have learned as I continue in my process of being a better me, is that sometimes, people will mistake your efforts to change as a weakness. In my experience today, it appears that this was the case. Not that this is something new or an excuse to lose control, but you have to take the opportunity when needed to make sure that there is an understanding established. Yes, I have changed. Yes, I want to be slow to anger. Yes, I want to avoid conflict. However, that doesn't mean that I will just stand back and take anything, from anyone, just because I'm continuing my process of change. I am still the same person, but I have changed my approach in how I handle things. So after careful consideration I learned for the day that one should:
Never be quick to anger, but never be slow to demand your respect!
Monday, December 10, 2012
Supporting Detrimental Music Sends a Deadly Message
Today I want to talk about something that has been really bothering me as it relates to the influence of today's music on our impressionable teens, children in general. I love all types of music, rap included, but not as much as I like the other genres. When it comes to rap, I can take it or leave it. Many times I'm only interested in the beat and don't take time to listen to the lyrics. If a rap song has caught my attention, it's usually because the lyrics are pleasing to me or I hear something that doesn't sound quite right. In instances like this, I take more time to listen to the song in its entirety. Once I have done so, then I can make a better determination of whether it's a hit or not so much.
The younger generation of rappers, rarely catch my attention I must admit because the lyrics usually contain a little too much foolishness for me to relate to. I am really disappointed however when the lyrics are blatantly disrespectful, violent, or sending the wrong message entirely.
At this time, the young rappers who are on my radar are this Chief Keef and his crew. I must admit that the songs that I have heard thus far have been quite catchy. But when you listen to the lyrics, it's rather questionable. The videos? Even more convincing that this is pure garbage and sets a violent tone for the impressionable youth listening to such songs. Most anyone can upload a video to YouTube these days and become an overnight sensation. This seems to be the case for the aforementioned rapper. While I do not and will not ever knock anyone's hustle, what I can say is that when you promote negativity, you get negativity. He has made some impressive accomplishments, such as being the youngest rapper to get his own label on Interscope, getting his own line of Beats by Dre headphones, and just an overall success at such a young age. I have even read that there will be a biopic of his life. All great accomplishments, but at what cost? Isn't the saying, if you know better you do better?
The lyrics in his music just amaze me. Constant talk of violence, constant displays of weapons. This kid is only 17! He is making a great impression on our youth. But it would be so much more inspiring if he could try to focus now on the positive. For instance, in an interview he makes mention about dropping out of school at 15, being a father at 16. These are issues that affect many teens today. In his down time, on house arrest for a weapons charge, he focused more on his rap and it paid off. So now let's use that experience to promote positivity. Show the youth that even though you come from an unhealthy environment, you can make changes and achieve your dreams. Why promote violence, drugs, and photos of a girl giving you oral sex for the whole world to see? There is much more positivity that can be drawn from the experiences of Chief Keef. I guess it bothers me so much because I have a son that is 16 and I have often seen how he and his peers are influenced by music and lyrics.
In my opinion if you have been given the opportunity to reach so many individuals on so many levels, why not use it to promote the good? Change the negative, promote the positive and use your experiences as a platform to inspire others! The negativity is what got your foot in the door, now change the scene and show them the positives? What good is your accomplishment if you can't share it with others in a positive and uplifting manner? An impressionable youth can use the lyrics in a negative way by taking it out of context, rather than just for entertainment. Chief Keef is not the only rapper/entertainer that does this, just the one on my radar at this time. We should support music that has purpose! Supporting such rappers as Chief Keef, sends a deadly message! We gotta wake up!!!
~PhatPhat~
The younger generation of rappers, rarely catch my attention I must admit because the lyrics usually contain a little too much foolishness for me to relate to. I am really disappointed however when the lyrics are blatantly disrespectful, violent, or sending the wrong message entirely.
At this time, the young rappers who are on my radar are this Chief Keef and his crew. I must admit that the songs that I have heard thus far have been quite catchy. But when you listen to the lyrics, it's rather questionable. The videos? Even more convincing that this is pure garbage and sets a violent tone for the impressionable youth listening to such songs. Most anyone can upload a video to YouTube these days and become an overnight sensation. This seems to be the case for the aforementioned rapper. While I do not and will not ever knock anyone's hustle, what I can say is that when you promote negativity, you get negativity. He has made some impressive accomplishments, such as being the youngest rapper to get his own label on Interscope, getting his own line of Beats by Dre headphones, and just an overall success at such a young age. I have even read that there will be a biopic of his life. All great accomplishments, but at what cost? Isn't the saying, if you know better you do better?
The lyrics in his music just amaze me. Constant talk of violence, constant displays of weapons. This kid is only 17! He is making a great impression on our youth. But it would be so much more inspiring if he could try to focus now on the positive. For instance, in an interview he makes mention about dropping out of school at 15, being a father at 16. These are issues that affect many teens today. In his down time, on house arrest for a weapons charge, he focused more on his rap and it paid off. So now let's use that experience to promote positivity. Show the youth that even though you come from an unhealthy environment, you can make changes and achieve your dreams. Why promote violence, drugs, and photos of a girl giving you oral sex for the whole world to see? There is much more positivity that can be drawn from the experiences of Chief Keef. I guess it bothers me so much because I have a son that is 16 and I have often seen how he and his peers are influenced by music and lyrics.
In my opinion if you have been given the opportunity to reach so many individuals on so many levels, why not use it to promote the good? Change the negative, promote the positive and use your experiences as a platform to inspire others! The negativity is what got your foot in the door, now change the scene and show them the positives? What good is your accomplishment if you can't share it with others in a positive and uplifting manner? An impressionable youth can use the lyrics in a negative way by taking it out of context, rather than just for entertainment. Chief Keef is not the only rapper/entertainer that does this, just the one on my radar at this time. We should support music that has purpose! Supporting such rappers as Chief Keef, sends a deadly message! We gotta wake up!!!
~PhatPhat~
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
PhatPhat Memoirs:Progression: 30 Days of Stress
PhatPhat Memoirs:Progression: 30 Days of Stress: Good afternoon, With only 7 days until my birthday and 14 days until Thanksgiving, none of the things that have occurred in the past 30 day...
Friday, November 9, 2012
Running away isn’t the right answer - Post-Tribune (#NRPM2012)
Today I would like to share this column from the local newspaper. It caught my attention right away. After reading the teens letter, I couldn't help but remininsce on the times I left home because I didn't agree with my mother's tactics. Similar to this teen, I maintained good grades, yet my overall attitude was negative. Just as the columnist notes; "running away is never the right answer." Although it may appear to be a way out of what you may feel is a "confined" home life, the reality of what will be encountered in the streets, can in no way be better than your situation at home, specifically when it only amounts to you being unhappy because of difference of opinion with your parents.
The response given by the columnist was followed up with a letter from another reader who experienced the harsh reality of leaving home and getting caught up in the risk factors that are associated with running away. To mention a few- homelessness, pregnancy, and domestic violence. Not only does the writer include that part of her experience, but she also follows up with how she overcame that situation later in life. Click the link and review this article and share your thoughts.
Have a great weekend!
Running away isn’t the right answer - Post-Tribune
The response given by the columnist was followed up with a letter from another reader who experienced the harsh reality of leaving home and getting caught up in the risk factors that are associated with running away. To mention a few- homelessness, pregnancy, and domestic violence. Not only does the writer include that part of her experience, but she also follows up with how she overcame that situation later in life. Click the link and review this article and share your thoughts.
Have a great weekend!
Running away isn’t the right answer - Post-Tribune
Thursday, November 8, 2012
30 Days of Stress
Good afternoon,
With only 7 days until my birthday and 14 days until Thanksgiving, none of the things that have occurred in the past 30 days could have ever been predicted. On Monday October 1st, I was excited. Something about the first day of the month beginning on a Monday, gave me an exuberating feeling of nothing but success to follow. Days one through 7 seemed to reiterate that this was indeed the case. However on the early morning of the 8th day, everything appeared to go downhill. I was awakened in the wee hours of the morning being informed that my teenage son, unknown to me, was out of the house and had been arrested! Dumbfounded, I sat in silence for a long period of time, awaiting the the details. Later that morning, I was informed he could possibly be charged as an adult. Late morning, early afternoon, I was sitting in an interview room at the police station, trying to grasp the information that was being relayed to me. Words would only limit the millions of thoughts that ran through my head as I tried to process what was going on. It was all so mind boggling. Less than 24 hours prior, everything had been going great.
My anxiety level was at its highest, as there would be a 48 hour waiting period before I would know how this scenario would play out. No answers, just questions, I tried to hold it together as best I could. Two days later without warning, I received a call from the County Jail indicating that my son was now an inmate. How was this possible? The last conversation I had with the detective was that the case was under investigation and that I would be contacted as to whether or not charges would actually be filed. So much for that notification, that was out the window. As I called and inquired about what was going on, I encountered much resistance. No one was willing to talk to me... they now had no obligation to do so. He had been charged as an adult. He was being held on a $60,000 bond!
Frustrated, I realized that I had to immediately seek and obtain an attorney on his behalf. That led me to yet another obstacle, money. Every attorney I contacted wanted $10,000, $8500, $7000, to take the case...
Fast forward to Sunday, October 14th. It was a windy and rainy day. I returned home late afternoon, approximately 4pm. My home has been burglarized. Obviously by one or some of my teenager's friends, it was too clean. The burglar had been too comfortable and had known exactly what and where to locate the items they wanted to steal. Not being one to be caught up in material things, I try not to let things of that nature consume me, I can always replace the items. However this time was different. This instance of crime against me left an uneasy feeling in my being.
I run a daycare, so with all the electronics stolen, I had to feverishly try to replace some of the items for the children's sake, no time for waiting to do an insurance claim.
During this same time, I was informed that my grandmother who has successfully battled cancer off and on for several years now, was not doing well. I had to tuck away my immediate problems and muster up the strength and energy to visit her. What a task that proved to be, while dealing with the anxieties of my own life and trying to maintain a smile, hold it together, and make sure that she was ok. Once I arrived, I was glad I did. I visited with her and talked to her about what was going on with my son and listened as she assured me that I couldn't blame myself for the actions of my son, I had done the best I could do. We laughed and talked and I remember telling her how every time my son does something wrong or causes me stress, I can hear words in my head " just you wait, when you have your own kids, they're going be 2x's as bad as you!"
I had seen my grandmother just a few weeks prior to this when she came to my first official book signing. I was so excited that even through her illness and her weakness, she made the effort to be there to see one of the many accomplishments that I have made, since being that unruly child/teen previously "lost in rebellion." Weeks before that when I had visited with her she told me how proud she was of me for turning my life around and making such positive changes, and she was most definitely proud of me for publishing my first two books. Throughout the journey to being an author, I had periodically stopped in to visit with her and share my progress. Articles in the local newspapers, online magazine features, and my book covers, etcetera; she shared these moments with me.
In the last few weeks, I have been overwhelmed and overworked based on the other things that were going on with me, but I planned to visit her today, hoping to not let much time go by without contact.
Unfortunately, I didn't make it to see her today as planned. Instead I was awakened early this morning with the sad news that she had passed away.
I thought about the last time I saw her and remember her exactly that way. She was smiling through her pain, offering me encouraging words. It hit me, today is November 8th, on October 8th, I was recieving devasting news. Here today again, I am awakened to the same.
Things could be worse, and I keep telling myself that through the tears and pain. What I can say however is, I never heard her complain about her pain in my visits. If she had such strength through such a trial, how can I complain about the stressors in my life. So while the last 30 days have been stressful and feel like the month from hell, it could be much worse. I have shed my tears about all of the events and know that there will be more tears to come, however, I will not allow this to consume me. Next Thursday will prove to be my greatest challenge as I will be celebrating the life of my grandmother on my birthday and sending her away to the comfort of God's arms on the next day. May she rest peacefully as the pain is no more, she fought a good fight! I hope to maintain that same strength and fight as I continue through this thing called life.
With only 7 days until my birthday and 14 days until Thanksgiving, none of the things that have occurred in the past 30 days could have ever been predicted. On Monday October 1st, I was excited. Something about the first day of the month beginning on a Monday, gave me an exuberating feeling of nothing but success to follow. Days one through 7 seemed to reiterate that this was indeed the case. However on the early morning of the 8th day, everything appeared to go downhill. I was awakened in the wee hours of the morning being informed that my teenage son, unknown to me, was out of the house and had been arrested! Dumbfounded, I sat in silence for a long period of time, awaiting the the details. Later that morning, I was informed he could possibly be charged as an adult. Late morning, early afternoon, I was sitting in an interview room at the police station, trying to grasp the information that was being relayed to me. Words would only limit the millions of thoughts that ran through my head as I tried to process what was going on. It was all so mind boggling. Less than 24 hours prior, everything had been going great.
My anxiety level was at its highest, as there would be a 48 hour waiting period before I would know how this scenario would play out. No answers, just questions, I tried to hold it together as best I could. Two days later without warning, I received a call from the County Jail indicating that my son was now an inmate. How was this possible? The last conversation I had with the detective was that the case was under investigation and that I would be contacted as to whether or not charges would actually be filed. So much for that notification, that was out the window. As I called and inquired about what was going on, I encountered much resistance. No one was willing to talk to me... they now had no obligation to do so. He had been charged as an adult. He was being held on a $60,000 bond!
Frustrated, I realized that I had to immediately seek and obtain an attorney on his behalf. That led me to yet another obstacle, money. Every attorney I contacted wanted $10,000, $8500, $7000, to take the case...
Fast forward to Sunday, October 14th. It was a windy and rainy day. I returned home late afternoon, approximately 4pm. My home has been burglarized. Obviously by one or some of my teenager's friends, it was too clean. The burglar had been too comfortable and had known exactly what and where to locate the items they wanted to steal. Not being one to be caught up in material things, I try not to let things of that nature consume me, I can always replace the items. However this time was different. This instance of crime against me left an uneasy feeling in my being.
I run a daycare, so with all the electronics stolen, I had to feverishly try to replace some of the items for the children's sake, no time for waiting to do an insurance claim.
During this same time, I was informed that my grandmother who has successfully battled cancer off and on for several years now, was not doing well. I had to tuck away my immediate problems and muster up the strength and energy to visit her. What a task that proved to be, while dealing with the anxieties of my own life and trying to maintain a smile, hold it together, and make sure that she was ok. Once I arrived, I was glad I did. I visited with her and talked to her about what was going on with my son and listened as she assured me that I couldn't blame myself for the actions of my son, I had done the best I could do. We laughed and talked and I remember telling her how every time my son does something wrong or causes me stress, I can hear words in my head " just you wait, when you have your own kids, they're going be 2x's as bad as you!"
I had seen my grandmother just a few weeks prior to this when she came to my first official book signing. I was so excited that even through her illness and her weakness, she made the effort to be there to see one of the many accomplishments that I have made, since being that unruly child/teen previously "lost in rebellion." Weeks before that when I had visited with her she told me how proud she was of me for turning my life around and making such positive changes, and she was most definitely proud of me for publishing my first two books. Throughout the journey to being an author, I had periodically stopped in to visit with her and share my progress. Articles in the local newspapers, online magazine features, and my book covers, etcetera; she shared these moments with me.
In the last few weeks, I have been overwhelmed and overworked based on the other things that were going on with me, but I planned to visit her today, hoping to not let much time go by without contact.
Unfortunately, I didn't make it to see her today as planned. Instead I was awakened early this morning with the sad news that she had passed away.
I thought about the last time I saw her and remember her exactly that way. She was smiling through her pain, offering me encouraging words. It hit me, today is November 8th, on October 8th, I was recieving devasting news. Here today again, I am awakened to the same.
Things could be worse, and I keep telling myself that through the tears and pain. What I can say however is, I never heard her complain about her pain in my visits. If she had such strength through such a trial, how can I complain about the stressors in my life. So while the last 30 days have been stressful and feel like the month from hell, it could be much worse. I have shed my tears about all of the events and know that there will be more tears to come, however, I will not allow this to consume me. Next Thursday will prove to be my greatest challenge as I will be celebrating the life of my grandmother on my birthday and sending her away to the comfort of God's arms on the next day. May she rest peacefully as the pain is no more, she fought a good fight! I hope to maintain that same strength and fight as I continue through this thing called life.
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Law Enforcement Officers-Friend or Foe
A couple of months ago when I started PhatPhat Memoirs the Group on Facebook I posted a question about youth and their respect for police officers. From my various interactions and observations at different schools, I noticed that the students generally lacked any respect or fear of the police. Their actions indicated that the badge or uniform had no real meaning.
It appeared in most instances as if the children felt that the police were either on the same level as them or perhaps, below them. Interesting, I thought. I know that for the most part in my area the youth behavior and criminal activity is out of control and these teens have absolutely NO FEAR of consequences... my own teen included. I asked for several other individual's opinions or observations that they may have in regards to this issue and found that most shared the same opinion as me. Over the past couple of weeks, I have read or watched news stories about negative interactions with police and police officers engaging in criminal activity. A week or two ago, there was coverage in the local newspaper about a local female officer who was arrested in another state for transporting 48 pounds of marijuana. It was indicated that the officer and her companion were being charged with drug trafficking. The officer posted bail and then failed to appear in court for her formal appearance. Is this the example that should be set by an officer of the law? Not only have you broken the law, now you refuse to be held accountable! Check out the article below.
http://truenewsusa.blogspot.com/2012/10/police-officer-marla-guye-was-going-to.html
This morning as I watched the news, it was reported that yet another local officer has engaged in inappopriate behavior. In this instance, an on duty officer is shown in a video posted to YouTube. In the video, the officer has the police department issued vehicle as a prop in the video (didn't even have sense enough to block out the city or car #), he is in full uniform, and the rapper and other individuals are shown. These individuals are displaying guns, throwing up gang signs, and even make mention of smoking weed in the presence of the police. My question is, how can the youth have any respect for law enforcement if they are engaging in or associating themselves with negative behavior? If the officer is condoning the use of weapons and gang affiliation, how can they in turn reprimand/arrest others for doing the same? What's even more puzzling to me is why would the officer even allow this to be recorded and uploaded to YouTube. Do not trained officers use various forms of social media such as Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube to incriminate individuals in crimes? It is almost as if they feel that they are untouchable or rather, it is okay to enforce the law, but there is no need for them to abide by the law. With such actions, it's no wonder why the morale or respect for law enforcement officers is low. There are several other instances of local officers engaging in criminal and unlawful behavior, not just in my community, but communities everywhere. To add insult to injury, the laws are protecting these officers in a way that makes it appalling that they are not readily held accountable for their actions. No firing, no suspension w/o pay, etcetera. Instead they are moved to other duties that involve less contact or communication with people until a review is completed.Talk about job security! Read the article regarding this particular case and share your thoughts or comments.
http://posttrib.suntimes.com/16172900-537/gary-officer-transferred-to-police-garage-after-rap-video-surfaces.html
It appeared in most instances as if the children felt that the police were either on the same level as them or perhaps, below them. Interesting, I thought. I know that for the most part in my area the youth behavior and criminal activity is out of control and these teens have absolutely NO FEAR of consequences... my own teen included. I asked for several other individual's opinions or observations that they may have in regards to this issue and found that most shared the same opinion as me. Over the past couple of weeks, I have read or watched news stories about negative interactions with police and police officers engaging in criminal activity. A week or two ago, there was coverage in the local newspaper about a local female officer who was arrested in another state for transporting 48 pounds of marijuana. It was indicated that the officer and her companion were being charged with drug trafficking. The officer posted bail and then failed to appear in court for her formal appearance. Is this the example that should be set by an officer of the law? Not only have you broken the law, now you refuse to be held accountable! Check out the article below.
http://truenewsusa.blogspot.com/2012/10/police-officer-marla-guye-was-going-to.html
This morning as I watched the news, it was reported that yet another local officer has engaged in inappopriate behavior. In this instance, an on duty officer is shown in a video posted to YouTube. In the video, the officer has the police department issued vehicle as a prop in the video (didn't even have sense enough to block out the city or car #), he is in full uniform, and the rapper and other individuals are shown. These individuals are displaying guns, throwing up gang signs, and even make mention of smoking weed in the presence of the police. My question is, how can the youth have any respect for law enforcement if they are engaging in or associating themselves with negative behavior? If the officer is condoning the use of weapons and gang affiliation, how can they in turn reprimand/arrest others for doing the same? What's even more puzzling to me is why would the officer even allow this to be recorded and uploaded to YouTube. Do not trained officers use various forms of social media such as Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube to incriminate individuals in crimes? It is almost as if they feel that they are untouchable or rather, it is okay to enforce the law, but there is no need for them to abide by the law. With such actions, it's no wonder why the morale or respect for law enforcement officers is low. There are several other instances of local officers engaging in criminal and unlawful behavior, not just in my community, but communities everywhere. To add insult to injury, the laws are protecting these officers in a way that makes it appalling that they are not readily held accountable for their actions. No firing, no suspension w/o pay, etcetera. Instead they are moved to other duties that involve less contact or communication with people until a review is completed.Talk about job security! Read the article regarding this particular case and share your thoughts or comments.
http://posttrib.suntimes.com/16172900-537/gary-officer-transferred-to-police-garage-after-rap-video-surfaces.html
Monday, October 29, 2012
Honesty
With time comes experience and insight. As we develop and involve into the person we are, things that were once taken for granted become interests of the utmost importance. Like most of us do, I believe, there are moments when we sit back and reflect on the past and make comparisons to what is occurring in our lives present day. In my most recent span of reflection, I have considered and compared a few pertinent events, differentiating between what a past response would be in contrast to what my current response would be. The one thing that remains constant in each scenario is honesty.
Honesty is a much needed asset within itself, however when we find ourselves in situations that are volatile, we become complacent and disregard or take this trait for granted. I found this to be something that I lost value in over a period of time. This loss came from the interactions that surrounded me which led me to generally believe that everyone is dishonest to some extent. The people closest to me were always telling half truths or flat out lying. My trust level was at the lowest point it had ever been. Complacency developed and honesty became an afterthought. One day I read somewhere "the truth hurts but never kills, a lie soothes but never heals."
I must have read that one sentence three or four times. It was true! That had always been my philosophy so to speak and it was something that I often told others. "I'd rather hear the truth than a lie, because I can make my own decision about the situation." When someone is dishonest, they deprived the other individual of the right to make an informed decision. In almost all instances, being honest returns more favorable outcomes. One can move past a situation at a more steady pace, rather than having to deal with other feelings that develop based on an instance of dishonesty. An out pour of other emotions become involved once an untruth has been discovered.
Close personal relationships must have this quality as a foundation.
Our children and our mates are the closest people in our lives and will always play a key factor in the decisions we make in our lives. Having a healthy relationship will develop and continuously grow if honesty is at the foundation. In regards to children, with the issues that they are constantly facing in society, it is imperative that we are able to establish a connection with them where they know and are assured that they can be honest with us as parents no matter what the situation or outcome may be. For some of us, building this type of relationship is or has been more difficult than for others. Personally, I faced this challenge with my own child. This lack of honesty or trust has proven to be detrimental to our relationship. His lack of honesty led to my distrust in him and my distrust in him caused him to hold back even when he was telling the truth. The sad part about the whole situation with us, is that it was hard to believe anything he said. A downward spiral began at home and at school. The spiral continued to spiral out of control, which has led him to a be in a somewhat unsavory predicament with an unknown end result. Had we had a solid relationship that has a concrete foundation of honesty and trust, we may not be faced with this situation, but in time things will get better. Our path to establishing this foundation has began.
In contrast, when I think back to what actually led to this somewhat calamity, it was not only the distrust and honesty issues that I had with my child, it had actually trickled over from my experiences in my intimate relationships. For over a decade I dealt with men who were dishonest, disrespectful, and lacked many values. Because of this, honesty became a second thought, causing me to lose the value in it. I was accustomed to dishonesty in relationships. In my final volatile relationship, dishonesty became the bases of our foundation. Can you imagine living in a household where both of the supposed closest people to you can not be trusted? That is the most horrible and disheartening feeling in the world. Words can barely express it. Living in an atmosphere that consists of such dishonesty and lack of trust created a dark place for me.
Fortunately, I reached a point where I was ready to raise my head high above the darkness. I needed a window with the slightest ounce of light to motivate me to lift myself out of the rut I had found myself to be in. When I came to that point, I realized that I wasn't being honest with myself. I had lied to myself to believe that the dishonesty in my relationship was acceptable, I had fallen into the trap of complacency due to my fear of change. My fear of change and my fear to start over. How could I overcome this? Self evaluation and support were the tools that I needed in order to tackle this discrepancy within myself. With an initial step of identifying what things were most important to me in a relationship and what things I was settling for, I sought counseling. Counseling proved to be an awesome and enlightening experience. Having an unbiased individual listen and talk through the issues with me, gave me the strength to explore more aspects of my life. I realized that not only did I need the benefit of counseling, my son needed to have the same opportunity availed to him.
Indeed this was something he needed, but he could have benefited more so, had he been offered this resource earlier. It however is never too late to seek and obtain help. We both have gained more insight on the importance of honesty and trust. As it pertains to me, I learned that it is never acceptable to lower your standards to accommodate someone else, especially so when the person on the recieving end does not reciprocate. Overcoming my fear enabled me to rid myself of the unsavory "company" that surrounded me. My intimate relationship was a hinderance for me and had changed the person I had become. My partner was not willling to change or seek help to resolve our issues. Thus the increased need to remove that person from my life and work on myself. Which is exactly what I did! I distinguished which things meant the most to me in a relationship as well as which aspects would help build me up rather than bring me down. At the end of the day, HONESTY proved to be one of, if not the most important characteristic that I had taken for granted. Now it is a requirement in all aspects of my life. Without honest, there is no trust, without either you will become broken! Being honest and having others, especially in close personal relationships, is crucial. My own honesty with myself and others is what helps build me up and helps me establish more meaningful relationships.
Honesty builds strong and concrete foundations!
That's PhatPhat in Progess for today... constantly and consistently transforming into a better me!
~PhatPhat~
Honesty is a much needed asset within itself, however when we find ourselves in situations that are volatile, we become complacent and disregard or take this trait for granted. I found this to be something that I lost value in over a period of time. This loss came from the interactions that surrounded me which led me to generally believe that everyone is dishonest to some extent. The people closest to me were always telling half truths or flat out lying. My trust level was at the lowest point it had ever been. Complacency developed and honesty became an afterthought. One day I read somewhere "the truth hurts but never kills, a lie soothes but never heals."
I must have read that one sentence three or four times. It was true! That had always been my philosophy so to speak and it was something that I often told others. "I'd rather hear the truth than a lie, because I can make my own decision about the situation." When someone is dishonest, they deprived the other individual of the right to make an informed decision. In almost all instances, being honest returns more favorable outcomes. One can move past a situation at a more steady pace, rather than having to deal with other feelings that develop based on an instance of dishonesty. An out pour of other emotions become involved once an untruth has been discovered.
Close personal relationships must have this quality as a foundation.
Our children and our mates are the closest people in our lives and will always play a key factor in the decisions we make in our lives. Having a healthy relationship will develop and continuously grow if honesty is at the foundation. In regards to children, with the issues that they are constantly facing in society, it is imperative that we are able to establish a connection with them where they know and are assured that they can be honest with us as parents no matter what the situation or outcome may be. For some of us, building this type of relationship is or has been more difficult than for others. Personally, I faced this challenge with my own child. This lack of honesty or trust has proven to be detrimental to our relationship. His lack of honesty led to my distrust in him and my distrust in him caused him to hold back even when he was telling the truth. The sad part about the whole situation with us, is that it was hard to believe anything he said. A downward spiral began at home and at school. The spiral continued to spiral out of control, which has led him to a be in a somewhat unsavory predicament with an unknown end result. Had we had a solid relationship that has a concrete foundation of honesty and trust, we may not be faced with this situation, but in time things will get better. Our path to establishing this foundation has began.
In contrast, when I think back to what actually led to this somewhat calamity, it was not only the distrust and honesty issues that I had with my child, it had actually trickled over from my experiences in my intimate relationships. For over a decade I dealt with men who were dishonest, disrespectful, and lacked many values. Because of this, honesty became a second thought, causing me to lose the value in it. I was accustomed to dishonesty in relationships. In my final volatile relationship, dishonesty became the bases of our foundation. Can you imagine living in a household where both of the supposed closest people to you can not be trusted? That is the most horrible and disheartening feeling in the world. Words can barely express it. Living in an atmosphere that consists of such dishonesty and lack of trust created a dark place for me.
Fortunately, I reached a point where I was ready to raise my head high above the darkness. I needed a window with the slightest ounce of light to motivate me to lift myself out of the rut I had found myself to be in. When I came to that point, I realized that I wasn't being honest with myself. I had lied to myself to believe that the dishonesty in my relationship was acceptable, I had fallen into the trap of complacency due to my fear of change. My fear of change and my fear to start over. How could I overcome this? Self evaluation and support were the tools that I needed in order to tackle this discrepancy within myself. With an initial step of identifying what things were most important to me in a relationship and what things I was settling for, I sought counseling. Counseling proved to be an awesome and enlightening experience. Having an unbiased individual listen and talk through the issues with me, gave me the strength to explore more aspects of my life. I realized that not only did I need the benefit of counseling, my son needed to have the same opportunity availed to him.
Indeed this was something he needed, but he could have benefited more so, had he been offered this resource earlier. It however is never too late to seek and obtain help. We both have gained more insight on the importance of honesty and trust. As it pertains to me, I learned that it is never acceptable to lower your standards to accommodate someone else, especially so when the person on the recieving end does not reciprocate. Overcoming my fear enabled me to rid myself of the unsavory "company" that surrounded me. My intimate relationship was a hinderance for me and had changed the person I had become. My partner was not willling to change or seek help to resolve our issues. Thus the increased need to remove that person from my life and work on myself. Which is exactly what I did! I distinguished which things meant the most to me in a relationship as well as which aspects would help build me up rather than bring me down. At the end of the day, HONESTY proved to be one of, if not the most important characteristic that I had taken for granted. Now it is a requirement in all aspects of my life. Without honest, there is no trust, without either you will become broken! Being honest and having others, especially in close personal relationships, is crucial. My own honesty with myself and others is what helps build me up and helps me establish more meaningful relationships.
Honesty builds strong and concrete foundations!
That's PhatPhat in Progess for today... constantly and consistently transforming into a better me!
~PhatPhat~
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Domestic Violence in the Media
http://www.vibe.com/article/disturbing-footage-lil-reese-beating-girl-surfaces
Good afternoon. I am taking a few moments to share this article which is being discussed in a group that I am a part of that focuses on the issues of domestic violence. The link above is video footage from Vibe Magazine of a rapper over in Chicago caught on tape beating a female, possibly the mother of his child. In no way do I condone violence and it is imperative that in these situations all parties take responsibility for their actions. In the footage, it shows that they are arguing and then in the midst of the argument, the girl is pushed by the rapper. At that point, her best move of action should have been to walk away. I chose to discuss this particular situation because it clearly demonstrates that both parties can be at fault in some situations. For one, the female should have left the situation. However she continued to be argumentative and somewhat threatening as well. Like the facilitator of the group Domestic Violence Wears Many Tags pointed out, usually a woman can not beat a man, so the female is at a disadvantage from the onset. However, violence is never the solution to ANY problem. While I don't condone the young lady's behavior, I can relate. I am sure this was not the first instance of abuse in their relationship. For myself, I always usually had a hard exterior and HAD to prove that I was not going to be intimidated. In this case, it usually only made the situation escalate, because both parties begin trying to prove who is tougher. You never really know what the end result will be in an instance such as this, but you have to try to be proactive. With that being said, the first thing a person should try to do if possible, is to remove themselves from the situation before it escalates or gets out of control. Again, taking a quick second to think before you act can be a matter of life and death. Review the video and leave your comments or thoughts on the situation. Let's talk about preventive measures to address #Domestic Violence.
Good afternoon. I am taking a few moments to share this article which is being discussed in a group that I am a part of that focuses on the issues of domestic violence. The link above is video footage from Vibe Magazine of a rapper over in Chicago caught on tape beating a female, possibly the mother of his child. In no way do I condone violence and it is imperative that in these situations all parties take responsibility for their actions. In the footage, it shows that they are arguing and then in the midst of the argument, the girl is pushed by the rapper. At that point, her best move of action should have been to walk away. I chose to discuss this particular situation because it clearly demonstrates that both parties can be at fault in some situations. For one, the female should have left the situation. However she continued to be argumentative and somewhat threatening as well. Like the facilitator of the group Domestic Violence Wears Many Tags pointed out, usually a woman can not beat a man, so the female is at a disadvantage from the onset. However, violence is never the solution to ANY problem. While I don't condone the young lady's behavior, I can relate. I am sure this was not the first instance of abuse in their relationship. For myself, I always usually had a hard exterior and HAD to prove that I was not going to be intimidated. In this case, it usually only made the situation escalate, because both parties begin trying to prove who is tougher. You never really know what the end result will be in an instance such as this, but you have to try to be proactive. With that being said, the first thing a person should try to do if possible, is to remove themselves from the situation before it escalates or gets out of control. Again, taking a quick second to think before you act can be a matter of life and death. Review the video and leave your comments or thoughts on the situation. Let's talk about preventive measures to address #Domestic Violence.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
It Gets Better With Time
Greetings to all my viewers old and new. This blog was created to start sharing new content, news and updates. I am on a continuous journey that will continue to evolve and display my various levels of change. My previous blog, which will continue, was established early on in order to begin sharing my story with others and to generate interest. I feel that I did accomplish that goal, which led to the creation and completion of the first books in my series PhatPhat Memoirs. While the content in this blog will in some instances mirror the original, I seek to broaden my horizons, interact more and deal with the issues that I advocate for more in depth. If this is your first time here, feel free to browse phatphatmemoirs.blogspot.com to catch up. While you're doing that, I will be building the content and audience here. See you soon! It only gets better...
#myreadersmotivateme
#myreadersmotivateme
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)