Wednesday, October 30, 2013
PhatPhat Memoirs:Progression: Fall into Something New
PhatPhat Memoirs:Progression: Fall into Something New: Everyday my mind races with loads of thoughts and information. Today is no different. All thoughts do not have to be revealed or shared. Som...
Fall into Something New
Everyday my mind races with loads of thoughts and information. Today is no different. All thoughts do not have to be revealed or shared. Some days however, I have moments that I feel the need to share. This happens to be one of those days. I was a little off track with my weekly walking and workout routine due to a change in my schedule. With a more strenuous schedule, I slowly slacked off and before I knew it, I was falling backwards. When you cross milestones and make accomplishments it is important that you remember what all was entailed in doing so. You have to remember the things that were most challenging, the things that you defeated, the feelings that you felt when you hit those milestones. After all is said and done, you have to at some point just take a step back and reflect in general. Reflect on the person you are today. Reflect on the person you used to be. Reflect on the things that you are able to acknowledge that you may still need to improve.
A few days ago, I had one of those moments of reflection, and realized I had to make some quick changes, get completely focused. I was focusing so much on one area of my life that I had become complacent in a short period of time. Over the past year I have learned that to be healthy in mind, you have to be healthy in body as well. When I began to walk and jog I was strengthening myself both mentally and physically. In doing so I was able to get more things accomplished and gained more clarity. My mental and physical health was enabling me to be more productive and experience a feeling of enjoyment in life.
Having that time to myself to workout and think about things enabled me to have more order and control. Enjoying the quiet, the scenes, the tranquility, within itself puts one at a feeling of ease. As I walked and the leaves began to slowly fall from the trees I realized how great the fall season really is. Fall is a great time for transformation. The leaves transition, they change colors, and create beautiful canvases of art. One of my favorite parks to walk or jog through is so amazing at providing the best illustrations of nature. Sometimes I get lost in thought and manage to exceed my goal for the day. That's exactly what I needed today. I got lost in the beauty of my surroundings and achieved some clarity that will help me as I continue to refocus. But as I took in the fresh air, the layers of colorful leaves and the view of the water along the mountains, I couldn't help but to think of how amazing the transformation of the environment is during fall. Perhaps it's because I am viewing it from another location, nevertheless, it gave me what I needed. It occurred to me that just like the environment transforms into such beauty during this season, it is a great opportunity for us as individuals to transform as well. When you think about it, things in general slow down during the fall. Our schedules tend to be less hectic. Temperatures are cooler, so we are doing more things indoors. Why not take this time to incorporate some changes that we would more than likely be less successful at accomplishing during any other part of the year?
Almost everyone is guilty of setting that New Year goal, and then failing soon after the beginning of the New Year. Take a different approach this time around. Be proactive! Set that goal now! Incorporate the changes gradually, now! By the time the New Year hits, you will already be working towards your goal or quite possibly will have achieved your goal. Small steps lead to huge successes. Take advantage of the Fall Season. Fall into something New! Fall into a Better You. Transform!
XOXO,
PhatPhat
A few days ago, I had one of those moments of reflection, and realized I had to make some quick changes, get completely focused. I was focusing so much on one area of my life that I had become complacent in a short period of time. Over the past year I have learned that to be healthy in mind, you have to be healthy in body as well. When I began to walk and jog I was strengthening myself both mentally and physically. In doing so I was able to get more things accomplished and gained more clarity. My mental and physical health was enabling me to be more productive and experience a feeling of enjoyment in life.
Having that time to myself to workout and think about things enabled me to have more order and control. Enjoying the quiet, the scenes, the tranquility, within itself puts one at a feeling of ease. As I walked and the leaves began to slowly fall from the trees I realized how great the fall season really is. Fall is a great time for transformation. The leaves transition, they change colors, and create beautiful canvases of art. One of my favorite parks to walk or jog through is so amazing at providing the best illustrations of nature. Sometimes I get lost in thought and manage to exceed my goal for the day. That's exactly what I needed today. I got lost in the beauty of my surroundings and achieved some clarity that will help me as I continue to refocus. But as I took in the fresh air, the layers of colorful leaves and the view of the water along the mountains, I couldn't help but to think of how amazing the transformation of the environment is during fall. Perhaps it's because I am viewing it from another location, nevertheless, it gave me what I needed. It occurred to me that just like the environment transforms into such beauty during this season, it is a great opportunity for us as individuals to transform as well. When you think about it, things in general slow down during the fall. Our schedules tend to be less hectic. Temperatures are cooler, so we are doing more things indoors. Why not take this time to incorporate some changes that we would more than likely be less successful at accomplishing during any other part of the year?
Almost everyone is guilty of setting that New Year goal, and then failing soon after the beginning of the New Year. Take a different approach this time around. Be proactive! Set that goal now! Incorporate the changes gradually, now! By the time the New Year hits, you will already be working towards your goal or quite possibly will have achieved your goal. Small steps lead to huge successes. Take advantage of the Fall Season. Fall into something New! Fall into a Better You. Transform!
XOXO,
PhatPhat
Friday, October 25, 2013
Changes Within
Greetings to you on this chilly day. We haven't interacted here in a while, but today I thought I would share.
It's interesting when you seek to make changes in your life, especially when it involves changing your attitude, outlook, and thinking. We all learn to respond to things differently, primarily based on the interactions that we experience as we are growing and developing our personalities. Depending on the type of family setting we come from, the things we are exposed to both positive and negative, and the various relationships that we develop. For myself, I have had an abundance of exposure to various family settings, positive and negative relationships, and experiences. All of them have helped to develop my personality, how I think, and how I interact with individuals. One of my weakest traits has been the inability to control my anger. This is an ongoing process, no matter how much you work on it. Personally, I have been diligently working on my anger for the past few years. What a process that has been! When you are accustomed to lashing out or being vindictive to display your anger, it is a hard habit to break. It definitely is not something that occurs overnight, a few months, or even a year. Like other goals, effectively managing your anger is a continuous process. For some it may not take as long or they may not to have to work as excessively as others. In my case, I needed extensive help.
Due to unresolved or unaddressed issues in my past, I found that anger and frustration had been constantly brewing inside of me for years, but I felt as if I had it in check. At the end of the day, being explosive was just a part of my personality. People understood. If they knew like me, stay out of my way, or make sure you are not the target of my frustration. But who really wants to live their life with the stigma of being the "loose cannon," the "hothead," or just a plain old "crazy bitch?" Certainly not I. However, over the years I became comfortable with those labels. In my eye, people will respect you more if they know that you have no tolerance for foolishness or that you will snap in an instant. This may or may not be the case, but I discovered after a while, that I didn't want to have that reputation anymore.
Old habits die slow, and that is exactly what I have confirmed. No matter how intense my motivation was to get my anger under control, I always failed miserably. Both my interior and exterior walls stayed up at all times. I had too many times in the past let my guard down and individuals took it as a weakness. I can remember often saying, when you try to calm down, and people notice, they try to test you even more. People assume that because you try to become in more control of your emotions that they can now punk you! They think that I won't get in their ass! I can't lie, that was my thinking. And honestly, a little of that mentality still surfaces from time to time.
When I really began to analyze the problem with my anger, I found something very interesting about myself. I had a bad habit of becoming explosive about minute issues and showed little or no concern about issues that in actuality should have infuriated me more. Why? Because in an effort to curb my anger, I would try to blow things off and not speak on them when I should have. When I would totally lose it over something small, it was because I had penned up so many emotions from previous experiences. A big ball of anger and frustration lingering inside, ignited by a small issue. What a bad combination. What an unhealthy way to live!
I started to look it this more closely back in 2010 when I began experiencing a lot of stress at work and began having issues with High Blood Pressure. So many things at the job irritated me. Things at home, constantly stressing me. During that time, the small things sent me over the edge as well as the bigger issues. When my doctor took me off work for an extended period of time, my anger levels began to decrease, just a little. But then suddenly I began having panic attacks and didn't know what was going on. I began seeing a therapist for counseling at the University. It was noted that while I had removed a large stressor from the equation at the time, there was an abundance of other issues plaguing me. I had a very strained relationship with my son and a very abusive and unhealthy relationship with my husband. How could I ever contain my anger issues if I didn't get some relief? I continued the counseling and found activities for myself as de-stressors. Writing was one of my soothing activities, and slowly I could see the stress being lifted, but it just wasn't enough. Every time I thought I had reached an even plane, something was pulling me back in.
Looking back at old and current journal entries, I began to review the various triggers and emotions that followed explosive outbursts or moments of discomfort. It was important for me to be able to make comparisons regarding the severity and frequency of such instances. In doing so, I began to determine how I could decrease the stress. The most important thing that I discovered was that when I immediately addressed an issue whether small or great, I was less likely to lose control. My challenge however was being able to address the issue in a calm and non confrontational manner. An inability to do so is what caused me to add more stress and strain on myself both physically and mentally. My fear of losing control always prompted me to hold back my feelings. In turn, holding these feelings or emotions and keeping them bottled up, only made things worse on me. Bottled up anger and unresolved issues was only creating a unpredictable time bomb. It also increased my instances of panic attacks. What could I do to prevent this from becoming a serious condition for me? I had to fight within myself to overcome it!
As with most things, it's primarily mental reinforcement that yields more positive results. Mind over matter is the way I like to best describe this attribute. Not only conditioning your mind to change but also putting in the work that is needed to achieve the desired result. Continuing the counseling, journaling and most importantly, addressing issues head on rather than lacking the confidence in myself to express myself in a calm yet firm manner. Gradually, as I began to put these things in perspective and began addressing issues sooner rather than later, I could feel the pressure releasing. Not that I have completely conquered this aspect of my life, I have come quite a ways in "simmering" down and expressing myself in a more calm and mature manner. I'm glad to report that since tackling this head on, the panic attacks decreased and to date, I haven't had another one in over a year. Not only making a mental change, but making physical changes also helped me in this area. Developing a healthier lifestyle that includes regular exercise dramatically assisted me in conquering this obstacle. Exercise is a great stress reliever. It enabled me to have the alone time to think things out, reflect on various life events, all the while, improving my health. I have proven to myself and demonstrated to those around me that when you seek to make changes within, target the triggers, and apply the changes to your daily life you can and will yield positive results. As I always say, change is constant, everyday is an opportunity to implement something positive in your life to continue on a healthy and more stable path. Make everyday memorable! Don't allow the actions of others to dominate you!
*PhatPhat*
It's interesting when you seek to make changes in your life, especially when it involves changing your attitude, outlook, and thinking. We all learn to respond to things differently, primarily based on the interactions that we experience as we are growing and developing our personalities. Depending on the type of family setting we come from, the things we are exposed to both positive and negative, and the various relationships that we develop. For myself, I have had an abundance of exposure to various family settings, positive and negative relationships, and experiences. All of them have helped to develop my personality, how I think, and how I interact with individuals. One of my weakest traits has been the inability to control my anger. This is an ongoing process, no matter how much you work on it. Personally, I have been diligently working on my anger for the past few years. What a process that has been! When you are accustomed to lashing out or being vindictive to display your anger, it is a hard habit to break. It definitely is not something that occurs overnight, a few months, or even a year. Like other goals, effectively managing your anger is a continuous process. For some it may not take as long or they may not to have to work as excessively as others. In my case, I needed extensive help.
Due to unresolved or unaddressed issues in my past, I found that anger and frustration had been constantly brewing inside of me for years, but I felt as if I had it in check. At the end of the day, being explosive was just a part of my personality. People understood. If they knew like me, stay out of my way, or make sure you are not the target of my frustration. But who really wants to live their life with the stigma of being the "loose cannon," the "hothead," or just a plain old "crazy bitch?" Certainly not I. However, over the years I became comfortable with those labels. In my eye, people will respect you more if they know that you have no tolerance for foolishness or that you will snap in an instant. This may or may not be the case, but I discovered after a while, that I didn't want to have that reputation anymore.
Old habits die slow, and that is exactly what I have confirmed. No matter how intense my motivation was to get my anger under control, I always failed miserably. Both my interior and exterior walls stayed up at all times. I had too many times in the past let my guard down and individuals took it as a weakness. I can remember often saying, when you try to calm down, and people notice, they try to test you even more. People assume that because you try to become in more control of your emotions that they can now punk you! They think that I won't get in their ass! I can't lie, that was my thinking. And honestly, a little of that mentality still surfaces from time to time.
When I really began to analyze the problem with my anger, I found something very interesting about myself. I had a bad habit of becoming explosive about minute issues and showed little or no concern about issues that in actuality should have infuriated me more. Why? Because in an effort to curb my anger, I would try to blow things off and not speak on them when I should have. When I would totally lose it over something small, it was because I had penned up so many emotions from previous experiences. A big ball of anger and frustration lingering inside, ignited by a small issue. What a bad combination. What an unhealthy way to live!
I started to look it this more closely back in 2010 when I began experiencing a lot of stress at work and began having issues with High Blood Pressure. So many things at the job irritated me. Things at home, constantly stressing me. During that time, the small things sent me over the edge as well as the bigger issues. When my doctor took me off work for an extended period of time, my anger levels began to decrease, just a little. But then suddenly I began having panic attacks and didn't know what was going on. I began seeing a therapist for counseling at the University. It was noted that while I had removed a large stressor from the equation at the time, there was an abundance of other issues plaguing me. I had a very strained relationship with my son and a very abusive and unhealthy relationship with my husband. How could I ever contain my anger issues if I didn't get some relief? I continued the counseling and found activities for myself as de-stressors. Writing was one of my soothing activities, and slowly I could see the stress being lifted, but it just wasn't enough. Every time I thought I had reached an even plane, something was pulling me back in.
Looking back at old and current journal entries, I began to review the various triggers and emotions that followed explosive outbursts or moments of discomfort. It was important for me to be able to make comparisons regarding the severity and frequency of such instances. In doing so, I began to determine how I could decrease the stress. The most important thing that I discovered was that when I immediately addressed an issue whether small or great, I was less likely to lose control. My challenge however was being able to address the issue in a calm and non confrontational manner. An inability to do so is what caused me to add more stress and strain on myself both physically and mentally. My fear of losing control always prompted me to hold back my feelings. In turn, holding these feelings or emotions and keeping them bottled up, only made things worse on me. Bottled up anger and unresolved issues was only creating a unpredictable time bomb. It also increased my instances of panic attacks. What could I do to prevent this from becoming a serious condition for me? I had to fight within myself to overcome it!
As with most things, it's primarily mental reinforcement that yields more positive results. Mind over matter is the way I like to best describe this attribute. Not only conditioning your mind to change but also putting in the work that is needed to achieve the desired result. Continuing the counseling, journaling and most importantly, addressing issues head on rather than lacking the confidence in myself to express myself in a calm yet firm manner. Gradually, as I began to put these things in perspective and began addressing issues sooner rather than later, I could feel the pressure releasing. Not that I have completely conquered this aspect of my life, I have come quite a ways in "simmering" down and expressing myself in a more calm and mature manner. I'm glad to report that since tackling this head on, the panic attacks decreased and to date, I haven't had another one in over a year. Not only making a mental change, but making physical changes also helped me in this area. Developing a healthier lifestyle that includes regular exercise dramatically assisted me in conquering this obstacle. Exercise is a great stress reliever. It enabled me to have the alone time to think things out, reflect on various life events, all the while, improving my health. I have proven to myself and demonstrated to those around me that when you seek to make changes within, target the triggers, and apply the changes to your daily life you can and will yield positive results. As I always say, change is constant, everyday is an opportunity to implement something positive in your life to continue on a healthy and more stable path. Make everyday memorable! Don't allow the actions of others to dominate you!
*PhatPhat*
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
A Regimen That Changed My Life
Greetings,
It seems as if it has been forever since I last checked in. Although it has been a while, it was for a very good reason. Sometimes we have to stop and regroup, which is what I have done. For the past 7-8 weeks I have been making some important life changes. Of course I was already doing that, but as I emphasize often, change is continuous. While we may work to improve in one area, we always have room to grow in other areas. Throughout my journey my main focus has been mental and emotional repair. What I came to realize is that once we make significant changes in one area, one must work on other areas as well to maximize progress. With that being said, I made the decision to work on my physical appearance and overall health.
For many years I have struggled with weight issues. This is a struggle many of us face. In my case I was shedding mental weight, but I needed to work on my health and physical weight as well. Over the years I have allowed my weight to be a shield so to speak. I became complacent with the issue of obesity. Convincing myself that I was not concern with my weight as much as I really was, I made no effort to change this part of me. That all changed however about 8 or 9 weeks ago. Venturing out and attending the Black Women's Expo, proved to be a life changing experience. While at the event, I engaged with several authors, some I had met previously, others I had not. Dr. Ian Smith happened to be one of the best selling authors that I had the pleasure of meeting. Being familiar with him from various television shows, I was anxious to see what new weight loss strategies he was now introducing. Although I was inquisitive, I had no real goal of attempting a program. In the past I have tried several diets, gimmicks, cleanses, etc. I never had the will power or enough interest to stick to any plans. While in line waiting to get my autographed copy of Dr. Ian's latest diet, Shred Revolution, I chatted with a lady who was already on the diet. She reported good results and talked about the program with such conviction that I felt compelled to give it a try.
I am pleased to report that I did indeed try the plan and was able to stick with it. What I like about Shred is that it is NOT a diet, rather it is a lifestyle change. A lifestyle change that has become my own and I am continuing to reap the benefits from. The lifestyle change promotes a plan of 6 weeks, 4 inches, 2 dress sizes. I have to admit I was hesitant at first, but as I began to read the book, I was convinced that I could possibly stick with it. My first week was a little difficult, but not nearly as difficult as I figured it would be. In all of my previous endeavors, I could never stick to a workout plan. Not with Shred! The requirement of 30-45 mins a day, 5 days a week became easier and easier to follow as each day passed. By the end of the week, my mind had been conditioned to continue with the plan, and a weight loss of 4 pounds in the first week encouraged me to continue as well. As I continued to see progress, I was motivated to keep going. Early morning walks cleared my mind. Midway through week 2 I began to notice that not only was I gradually losing the physical weight, each mile I walked seemed to drop off a little mental weight that I was continuing to carry.
Initially, that seemed silly to me, but each week I was feeling lighter and lighter both physically and mentally. I was eager to share my experience with those close to me and by the end of the 6 week regimen, my mind had been completely transformed, I was down 21 pounds and I was feeling better than ever. My ability to handle stress had improved even more than it had previously. I am more health conscious, have more discernment regarding making healthy choices, and most importantly, I have been able to continue to keep my exercise at an appropriate level. This is a definite lifestyle change and has proved to provide more than just weight loss benefits.
With my new lifestyle change, my mind has less clutter. My vision is less blurred and I am back on track to completing my goals. It is amazing how things happen. Dr. Ian Smith and Black Women's Expo changed my life for the better. As I continue to experience the effects of this lifestyle change I am confident that I will be producing some of my best work yet. Although I was making positive changes and in a better place, I have gained even more insight and determination to pursue my goals and dreams at an even harder pace.
Remember, positive change is always good and it is always constant. Whatever you set your mind to do can be accomplished with positive reinforcement.
Stay tuned for more updates and new material to be posted.
~PhatPhat~
It seems as if it has been forever since I last checked in. Although it has been a while, it was for a very good reason. Sometimes we have to stop and regroup, which is what I have done. For the past 7-8 weeks I have been making some important life changes. Of course I was already doing that, but as I emphasize often, change is continuous. While we may work to improve in one area, we always have room to grow in other areas. Throughout my journey my main focus has been mental and emotional repair. What I came to realize is that once we make significant changes in one area, one must work on other areas as well to maximize progress. With that being said, I made the decision to work on my physical appearance and overall health.
For many years I have struggled with weight issues. This is a struggle many of us face. In my case I was shedding mental weight, but I needed to work on my health and physical weight as well. Over the years I have allowed my weight to be a shield so to speak. I became complacent with the issue of obesity. Convincing myself that I was not concern with my weight as much as I really was, I made no effort to change this part of me. That all changed however about 8 or 9 weeks ago. Venturing out and attending the Black Women's Expo, proved to be a life changing experience. While at the event, I engaged with several authors, some I had met previously, others I had not. Dr. Ian Smith happened to be one of the best selling authors that I had the pleasure of meeting. Being familiar with him from various television shows, I was anxious to see what new weight loss strategies he was now introducing. Although I was inquisitive, I had no real goal of attempting a program. In the past I have tried several diets, gimmicks, cleanses, etc. I never had the will power or enough interest to stick to any plans. While in line waiting to get my autographed copy of Dr. Ian's latest diet, Shred Revolution, I chatted with a lady who was already on the diet. She reported good results and talked about the program with such conviction that I felt compelled to give it a try.
I am pleased to report that I did indeed try the plan and was able to stick with it. What I like about Shred is that it is NOT a diet, rather it is a lifestyle change. A lifestyle change that has become my own and I am continuing to reap the benefits from. The lifestyle change promotes a plan of 6 weeks, 4 inches, 2 dress sizes. I have to admit I was hesitant at first, but as I began to read the book, I was convinced that I could possibly stick with it. My first week was a little difficult, but not nearly as difficult as I figured it would be. In all of my previous endeavors, I could never stick to a workout plan. Not with Shred! The requirement of 30-45 mins a day, 5 days a week became easier and easier to follow as each day passed. By the end of the week, my mind had been conditioned to continue with the plan, and a weight loss of 4 pounds in the first week encouraged me to continue as well. As I continued to see progress, I was motivated to keep going. Early morning walks cleared my mind. Midway through week 2 I began to notice that not only was I gradually losing the physical weight, each mile I walked seemed to drop off a little mental weight that I was continuing to carry.
Initially, that seemed silly to me, but each week I was feeling lighter and lighter both physically and mentally. I was eager to share my experience with those close to me and by the end of the 6 week regimen, my mind had been completely transformed, I was down 21 pounds and I was feeling better than ever. My ability to handle stress had improved even more than it had previously. I am more health conscious, have more discernment regarding making healthy choices, and most importantly, I have been able to continue to keep my exercise at an appropriate level. This is a definite lifestyle change and has proved to provide more than just weight loss benefits.
With my new lifestyle change, my mind has less clutter. My vision is less blurred and I am back on track to completing my goals. It is amazing how things happen. Dr. Ian Smith and Black Women's Expo changed my life for the better. As I continue to experience the effects of this lifestyle change I am confident that I will be producing some of my best work yet. Although I was making positive changes and in a better place, I have gained even more insight and determination to pursue my goals and dreams at an even harder pace.
Remember, positive change is always good and it is always constant. Whatever you set your mind to do can be accomplished with positive reinforcement.
Stay tuned for more updates and new material to be posted.
~PhatPhat~
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Acquiring and Building Support Systems
For the most part I watch little television. The bit that I do watch, are shows that I record on my DVR and watch at a later time. My interests in regards to television are crime shows, court shows, and a few reality shows. This past weekend however, I took some time to relax and just scan through the channels as well as the programs I had previously recorded. If you follow me on Twitter or Facebook you may have read one of my statuses over the weekend that indicated that how much insight can be gained from the experiences of others. Additionally, a few weeks or so back, I posted about the importance of positive male role models. I can never emphasis that enough. As I was watching my recording of "Iyanla: Fix My Life"- DMX, I can not help but reiterate this even more so. While he may not be the "poster child" for what can happen when there are a lack of positive male role models, it has to be pretty close, just maybe a more severe case.
A few things stuck out in my mind as I watched and listened intently. (1) Everybody has to feel that they are somebody's baby. (2) He never knew of any of his friends that had a father. Of course there were several other statements that caught my attention, but those readily made me think. How can a man really be a father if there has been no model provided for them to follow? And just how important is it to always feel that you are someone's baby? Several people came to mind as I watched the interview because expressions of feelings such as those along with other factors do play a very important role in how we all are shaped and the roads that we choose to follow as we transition into adulthood. From his perspective, the act of his mother sending him to a group home or placement facility at the early and tender age of 7 made him feel abandoned and unwanted. I definitely could see how he would come up with this idea as I was myself taken aback when I heard his mother actually comfirm that she did in fact do so. Who does that? At 7 years old, what could a child possibly be doing so bad that you have lost control as a parent and send them away? In no way am I attacking her for such action, however, it just doesn't seem realistic to me. It appears to me that this would be the choice or decision of an individual who doesn't want to be bothered or is preoccupied with other things to take the right approach. While I do not have all the details, I never heard any references to other preventive measures prior to making such a decision.
One can only imagine what a 7 year old could possibly be feeling when put in this position. Neither parent in your life and not because of a tragedy, but because the parent that is there feels that they can't deal with the behavior problems. A child sent to an unknown environment to be raised by strangers. This is very problematic and I can only assume that this occurrence in his life is what started his downward spiral that would later be manifested later in life. Fortunately for him, he did find that one person who treated him and cared for him as their own "baby" and provided that unconditional love that a parent displays, in his grandmother.
When I watch or listen to others experiences I often am able to relate them to some aspect of my own life or that of others who are or who have been close enough to me for me have some concern. I thought of my own child and his father. Male friends who didn't or don't have fathers. Friends who had fathers that were not positive role models. Of course positive male role models or the lack thereof doesn't detemine ones path in life in its entirey, but it does play a significant part. For some it will make them strive harder to be more than what they feel their father's were to them. But for others they find themselves stuck in world of confusion and no other way to address these feelings other than to transfer that negativity to those around them.
That is definitely what happened in this case. Not only did the lack of DMX having a male role model effect him, but entering a relationship with his now estranged wife, who also was having issues with her father and his drug addiction that altered their relationship. Negativity draws negativity.From what I gathered from listening to both of them during the interview. They found in each other what they so desperately sought from their loved ones and that is LOVE. We all search for love so it is not uncommon to want to have that connection with someone, however it can indeed prove toxic when we seek it to replace what we are missing. I can relate... 100%.
In turn these behaviors lead to co-dependency. One can become co-dependent on substances or on another individual. When this occurs and help is not sought, it leads to other high risk behaviors as indicated by this interview with DMX and other individuals as well who share the same or similar stories.I would suggest this in my own journey to recovery so to speak. Recovery from a lack of self love. Recovery from a low self esteem. Recovery from a toxic thinking process and frame of mine. "Toxic" is one word that was used quite frequently to describe DMX's situation. In actuality we all have had our moments where we were in a space that was not so pleasant. However as individuals we handle things differently. Some are better able to handle adversity than others. What is important is that there are support systems in place and available for individuals who are not able to tackle these issues alone. In that sense of the matter, I would relate a support system to that of DMX's view of everyone needing to be someone's baby. No matter who we are, how strong we are, we have to be assured that we have some form of support whether it be from one particular individual or a thousand. A feeling of belonging. It starts within however.
So the lack of positive male role models is very problematic, however, it is not the end of everything. We still have to move forward. Our young males, young females, and adults as well can gain much success and healthier existence when they are provided with a positive support system. Never discourage yourself or anyone from seeking out help. Position yourself to be a support to someone in any way possible. This can be done in several ways, providing a listening ear, offering information regarding assistance services such as counseling and most of all by providing encouragement. We can all help each other in some form or fashion. Stay encouraged and uplifted!
~PhatPhat~
A few things stuck out in my mind as I watched and listened intently. (1) Everybody has to feel that they are somebody's baby. (2) He never knew of any of his friends that had a father. Of course there were several other statements that caught my attention, but those readily made me think. How can a man really be a father if there has been no model provided for them to follow? And just how important is it to always feel that you are someone's baby? Several people came to mind as I watched the interview because expressions of feelings such as those along with other factors do play a very important role in how we all are shaped and the roads that we choose to follow as we transition into adulthood. From his perspective, the act of his mother sending him to a group home or placement facility at the early and tender age of 7 made him feel abandoned and unwanted. I definitely could see how he would come up with this idea as I was myself taken aback when I heard his mother actually comfirm that she did in fact do so. Who does that? At 7 years old, what could a child possibly be doing so bad that you have lost control as a parent and send them away? In no way am I attacking her for such action, however, it just doesn't seem realistic to me. It appears to me that this would be the choice or decision of an individual who doesn't want to be bothered or is preoccupied with other things to take the right approach. While I do not have all the details, I never heard any references to other preventive measures prior to making such a decision.
One can only imagine what a 7 year old could possibly be feeling when put in this position. Neither parent in your life and not because of a tragedy, but because the parent that is there feels that they can't deal with the behavior problems. A child sent to an unknown environment to be raised by strangers. This is very problematic and I can only assume that this occurrence in his life is what started his downward spiral that would later be manifested later in life. Fortunately for him, he did find that one person who treated him and cared for him as their own "baby" and provided that unconditional love that a parent displays, in his grandmother.
When I watch or listen to others experiences I often am able to relate them to some aspect of my own life or that of others who are or who have been close enough to me for me have some concern. I thought of my own child and his father. Male friends who didn't or don't have fathers. Friends who had fathers that were not positive role models. Of course positive male role models or the lack thereof doesn't detemine ones path in life in its entirey, but it does play a significant part. For some it will make them strive harder to be more than what they feel their father's were to them. But for others they find themselves stuck in world of confusion and no other way to address these feelings other than to transfer that negativity to those around them.
That is definitely what happened in this case. Not only did the lack of DMX having a male role model effect him, but entering a relationship with his now estranged wife, who also was having issues with her father and his drug addiction that altered their relationship. Negativity draws negativity.From what I gathered from listening to both of them during the interview. They found in each other what they so desperately sought from their loved ones and that is LOVE. We all search for love so it is not uncommon to want to have that connection with someone, however it can indeed prove toxic when we seek it to replace what we are missing. I can relate... 100%.
In turn these behaviors lead to co-dependency. One can become co-dependent on substances or on another individual. When this occurs and help is not sought, it leads to other high risk behaviors as indicated by this interview with DMX and other individuals as well who share the same or similar stories.I would suggest this in my own journey to recovery so to speak. Recovery from a lack of self love. Recovery from a low self esteem. Recovery from a toxic thinking process and frame of mine. "Toxic" is one word that was used quite frequently to describe DMX's situation. In actuality we all have had our moments where we were in a space that was not so pleasant. However as individuals we handle things differently. Some are better able to handle adversity than others. What is important is that there are support systems in place and available for individuals who are not able to tackle these issues alone. In that sense of the matter, I would relate a support system to that of DMX's view of everyone needing to be someone's baby. No matter who we are, how strong we are, we have to be assured that we have some form of support whether it be from one particular individual or a thousand. A feeling of belonging. It starts within however.
So the lack of positive male role models is very problematic, however, it is not the end of everything. We still have to move forward. Our young males, young females, and adults as well can gain much success and healthier existence when they are provided with a positive support system. Never discourage yourself or anyone from seeking out help. Position yourself to be a support to someone in any way possible. This can be done in several ways, providing a listening ear, offering information regarding assistance services such as counseling and most of all by providing encouragement. We can all help each other in some form or fashion. Stay encouraged and uplifted!
~PhatPhat~
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Subtle Racisim
Greetings! Today I want to share an experience I had this week while dining out. While I am not surprised nor dumb to the fact that racism is real or that it still exist, sometimes I am a little stunned at how people try to minimize their racist actions. Everyone has their preferences of how they feel or deal with certain situations. However, me personally, I feel that if you make a choice to be or do something, you should go at it FULL THROTTLE. Don't try to disguise your actions as jokes, when they clearly have an underlying message.
My mate and I were having breakfast at a Cracker Barrel, something we do often. Our waitress, an older Caucasian female was friendly and helpful for the entire meal... until the end. She brings our check and makes a comment, "This is your get out of jail free ticket." Confused, I looked at her with what probably was a "question mark" stare. What exactly did that mean? My mate, gave her a similar look but sort of laughed it off. When she walked away, I asked him "what was that about?" In my opinion, she was eluding to the possibility that we were going to dine and dash. We had a brief discussion and blew it off. Shortly thereafter, the waitress returns. She makes mention of the check again. This time however, she "jokingly" says something to the fact of, its a get out of jail ticket, because if you don't pay your bill, we might see her in the parking lot, using some of her skills from when she lived in South Central L.A. Personally, I was heated. How dare you try to "subtly" racially profile us. What indication have we given you that we won't pay our bill? And really lady? You're talking about South Central and Compton, like you're about that life?
If you are predjudice or have an issue with African Americans and their "dining etiquette" or lack thereof, perhaps you need to rethink your occupation.
If you have concerns about African Americans and their dining habits, or are just flat out racist, KEEP IT REAL! Opt to not wait on those tables. In this day and age, you have to be very mindful of your surroundings and the messages you send. Had we not been civilized individuals, this waitress may have had a BAD day. You never know what frame of mind an individual is in, therefore, it is important to have discernment and tact when conversing with unknown people. To say the least, I was appalled, angry and felt disrespected. Definintely did not want to leave her a monetary tip. I would have much rather left her a written tip: "Be mindful of subtle racism!"
Needless to say, we left a tip, because we do have the proper dining etiquette.
Racism is still live and well in our world. People just try to minimize it or mask it with other tactics such as sarcasm and lousy "jokes." If you want to be a racist or anything else, do it full throttle! I can have more respect for someone who is honest with themselves about what they really are, versus a person who hides behind a disguise!
~PhatPhat~
My mate and I were having breakfast at a Cracker Barrel, something we do often. Our waitress, an older Caucasian female was friendly and helpful for the entire meal... until the end. She brings our check and makes a comment, "This is your get out of jail free ticket." Confused, I looked at her with what probably was a "question mark" stare. What exactly did that mean? My mate, gave her a similar look but sort of laughed it off. When she walked away, I asked him "what was that about?" In my opinion, she was eluding to the possibility that we were going to dine and dash. We had a brief discussion and blew it off. Shortly thereafter, the waitress returns. She makes mention of the check again. This time however, she "jokingly" says something to the fact of, its a get out of jail ticket, because if you don't pay your bill, we might see her in the parking lot, using some of her skills from when she lived in South Central L.A. Personally, I was heated. How dare you try to "subtly" racially profile us. What indication have we given you that we won't pay our bill? And really lady? You're talking about South Central and Compton, like you're about that life?
If you are predjudice or have an issue with African Americans and their "dining etiquette" or lack thereof, perhaps you need to rethink your occupation.
If you have concerns about African Americans and their dining habits, or are just flat out racist, KEEP IT REAL! Opt to not wait on those tables. In this day and age, you have to be very mindful of your surroundings and the messages you send. Had we not been civilized individuals, this waitress may have had a BAD day. You never know what frame of mind an individual is in, therefore, it is important to have discernment and tact when conversing with unknown people. To say the least, I was appalled, angry and felt disrespected. Definintely did not want to leave her a monetary tip. I would have much rather left her a written tip: "Be mindful of subtle racism!"
Needless to say, we left a tip, because we do have the proper dining etiquette.
Racism is still live and well in our world. People just try to minimize it or mask it with other tactics such as sarcasm and lousy "jokes." If you want to be a racist or anything else, do it full throttle! I can have more respect for someone who is honest with themselves about what they really are, versus a person who hides behind a disguise!
~PhatPhat~
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Is There Hope for this Generation
I had an interesting conversation with my assistant today regarding creating awareness and helping individuals to understand that it's ok to have fear of change. While it is understandable to be afraid to remove oneself from harmful situations, it is important to use that fear as a means of gaining strength. In my opinion and from my personal experiences I have learned that when we face our fears, no matter how big or small, we gain strength to take another step. With each step, our efforts are stengthened which in turn enables us to overcome such fears.
He brought my attention to an issue with this process. In his opinion it's nearly impossible for change to be achieved due to the background of culture in general. As we both agreed, in various instances we mimic what we see and are conditioned or misled to believe that things or behaviors that are actually unacceptable are a normal way of life. Along with this, in the current state, we are seeing astronomical numbers of teens and youth in general following a path that is completely geared toward destruction. From my viewpoint, the biggest error on the part of our youth today is that they lack values and morals. I often find myself wondering exactly where we went wrong with this generation. Although I pose this question to myself often, as I watch the destructive behavior of my own child and that of other youth, I still have not reached a definitive answer. My assistant felt that most of this is due to lack of support from parents and family, lack of strong family bonds, as well as a lack of religion or the modification of religion to suit ones' own needs. To an extent I could agree, but not so much. While these may or may not be lacking, there are parents who incorporate these things in daily life and provide good support systems, yet their children fall short. Negativity seems to be the most prominent thing that is constant in society in general. Why? Because although we hear of positive, more emphasis is always put on negativity. Reports of crime at all levels, constantly in the news. Negative images of teens being shown as entertaining, rather than emphasis on how this negativity yields no positive results. In contrast, my assistant noted that some of this could be leveraged if it were not for the commercialization of such "foolery". As a society there is more emphasis on making a buck, rather than feeding positive images and examples.
With the prevalence of crime in general, but more so that of the increase of younger individuals, some earlier than that of a preteen, one can't help but wonder is there really any hope. In my spare time I watch a lot of court and crime shows. I was a bit taken aback last week while watching an episode of one my usual shows. Teenage boys ranging in ages from 15-19 engaged heavily in gang activity. Turf wars in a housing development where one rival gang is "controlling" one side of the street, while the other lurks to defend their side of the street. Really? How can we live in conditions such as this. These young men, the product of what's in store for our future, having no thought in taking the lives of one another merely just to show that they have some type of reputation. What they fail to realize is that this reputation that they strive so hard to achieve, is short lived and in most instances the end result is death. One teen was killed, another severely injured, and another innocent victim killed in cold blood as a form of retaliation. Who really won? No one. Lives lost literally, and lives lost to imprisonment. Families suffering, parents burying children and loved ones, parents losing their children to a life sentence in prison. But it's the attitudes of these youth that is most appalling. They have absolutely no fear. And as the one detective noted, these youth have been conditioned to believe that they have a short life expectancy anyway, thus the lack of regard for life and the destruction of it.
Collectively the current state of society is in shambles, but we have to have some form of hope for better. We have to determine ways to tackle this problem and strategically conquer it. As these problems will continue, we can not allow ourselves to be conditioned to believe that this is normal or acceptable. IT IS NOT!There is no room for loss of hope or complacency, after all, the youth today will be responsible for creating our next part of history.
~PhatPhat~
He brought my attention to an issue with this process. In his opinion it's nearly impossible for change to be achieved due to the background of culture in general. As we both agreed, in various instances we mimic what we see and are conditioned or misled to believe that things or behaviors that are actually unacceptable are a normal way of life. Along with this, in the current state, we are seeing astronomical numbers of teens and youth in general following a path that is completely geared toward destruction. From my viewpoint, the biggest error on the part of our youth today is that they lack values and morals. I often find myself wondering exactly where we went wrong with this generation. Although I pose this question to myself often, as I watch the destructive behavior of my own child and that of other youth, I still have not reached a definitive answer. My assistant felt that most of this is due to lack of support from parents and family, lack of strong family bonds, as well as a lack of religion or the modification of religion to suit ones' own needs. To an extent I could agree, but not so much. While these may or may not be lacking, there are parents who incorporate these things in daily life and provide good support systems, yet their children fall short. Negativity seems to be the most prominent thing that is constant in society in general. Why? Because although we hear of positive, more emphasis is always put on negativity. Reports of crime at all levels, constantly in the news. Negative images of teens being shown as entertaining, rather than emphasis on how this negativity yields no positive results. In contrast, my assistant noted that some of this could be leveraged if it were not for the commercialization of such "foolery". As a society there is more emphasis on making a buck, rather than feeding positive images and examples.
With the prevalence of crime in general, but more so that of the increase of younger individuals, some earlier than that of a preteen, one can't help but wonder is there really any hope. In my spare time I watch a lot of court and crime shows. I was a bit taken aback last week while watching an episode of one my usual shows. Teenage boys ranging in ages from 15-19 engaged heavily in gang activity. Turf wars in a housing development where one rival gang is "controlling" one side of the street, while the other lurks to defend their side of the street. Really? How can we live in conditions such as this. These young men, the product of what's in store for our future, having no thought in taking the lives of one another merely just to show that they have some type of reputation. What they fail to realize is that this reputation that they strive so hard to achieve, is short lived and in most instances the end result is death. One teen was killed, another severely injured, and another innocent victim killed in cold blood as a form of retaliation. Who really won? No one. Lives lost literally, and lives lost to imprisonment. Families suffering, parents burying children and loved ones, parents losing their children to a life sentence in prison. But it's the attitudes of these youth that is most appalling. They have absolutely no fear. And as the one detective noted, these youth have been conditioned to believe that they have a short life expectancy anyway, thus the lack of regard for life and the destruction of it.
Collectively the current state of society is in shambles, but we have to have some form of hope for better. We have to determine ways to tackle this problem and strategically conquer it. As these problems will continue, we can not allow ourselves to be conditioned to believe that this is normal or acceptable. IT IS NOT!There is no room for loss of hope or complacency, after all, the youth today will be responsible for creating our next part of history.
~PhatPhat~
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Teen Shot by Owner in CarJacking/Auto Theft
http://posttrib.suntimes.com/17780614-537/gary-car-owner-shoots-carjacker-in-the-back.html
While driving earlier today, I passed this scene. Due to the cold temperatures and the sudden snow that we recieved overnight, I was a little taken aback when I saw yellow crime scene tape. Usually this is indicative of a murder. It was definitely too cold for someone to be out shooting, but hey, anything is possible these days. Knowing that the local newspaper is updated throughout the day, I couldn't wait to see exactly what was going on at 12 in the afternoon on a Thursday that would require so many squad cars. Imagine my surprise when I read the article.
A 19 year old shot and hospitalized after stealing someone's car. It hit pretty close to home. My own son was involved in an incident similar to this. He and some friends stealing a car from someone while the person is right there on the scene. Stealing of any sort is wrong, no explanation, no justification can suffice for such an action. Lately I have read more and more articles of incidents similar to this however. This particular case however stands out. This is so because of the consequence incurred behind it. While I have read several articles about car thefts and carjackings, I hadn't read any where the victim had actually retaliated. Unfortunate for the young man to have been shot, however that is one of possible consequences that one can suffer from blatantly taking property that does not belong to them.
When I found my son in a similar situation, that was one of the first thing I said to him, "What if the victim had a gun and blew ya'll brains out?" You never know what frame of mind a person is in and how they will react to the violation of someone taking their hard earned possessions from them. Somewhere down the line, our teens and youth have lost or have not been given the value of hard work. You have to work hard for what you want. You have to earn what you want. What comes easy without hard work can lead to a long lasting heartache and pain. Now in the case of the young man in this article, what he mistook for an easy job or an easy target has cost him much more than what it was worth. Not only is he hospitalized from the injuries he recieved from being shot, once that is over, he will still face charges for carjacking, auto theft and robbery at the minimum. In the end, was it really even worth it?
As parents and society in general, we have to work collectively to instill the value of hard work and good morals in our children to minimize instances such as the one in this article. It is a daunting task but it still has to be done.
While driving earlier today, I passed this scene. Due to the cold temperatures and the sudden snow that we recieved overnight, I was a little taken aback when I saw yellow crime scene tape. Usually this is indicative of a murder. It was definitely too cold for someone to be out shooting, but hey, anything is possible these days. Knowing that the local newspaper is updated throughout the day, I couldn't wait to see exactly what was going on at 12 in the afternoon on a Thursday that would require so many squad cars. Imagine my surprise when I read the article.
A 19 year old shot and hospitalized after stealing someone's car. It hit pretty close to home. My own son was involved in an incident similar to this. He and some friends stealing a car from someone while the person is right there on the scene. Stealing of any sort is wrong, no explanation, no justification can suffice for such an action. Lately I have read more and more articles of incidents similar to this however. This particular case however stands out. This is so because of the consequence incurred behind it. While I have read several articles about car thefts and carjackings, I hadn't read any where the victim had actually retaliated. Unfortunate for the young man to have been shot, however that is one of possible consequences that one can suffer from blatantly taking property that does not belong to them.
When I found my son in a similar situation, that was one of the first thing I said to him, "What if the victim had a gun and blew ya'll brains out?" You never know what frame of mind a person is in and how they will react to the violation of someone taking their hard earned possessions from them. Somewhere down the line, our teens and youth have lost or have not been given the value of hard work. You have to work hard for what you want. You have to earn what you want. What comes easy without hard work can lead to a long lasting heartache and pain. Now in the case of the young man in this article, what he mistook for an easy job or an easy target has cost him much more than what it was worth. Not only is he hospitalized from the injuries he recieved from being shot, once that is over, he will still face charges for carjacking, auto theft and robbery at the minimum. In the end, was it really even worth it?
As parents and society in general, we have to work collectively to instill the value of hard work and good morals in our children to minimize instances such as the one in this article. It is a daunting task but it still has to be done.
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